so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
