the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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