Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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