I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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