Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i think i scared a bird with my dick
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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