Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
