So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The adults are the big ones right?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
