best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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