dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize