Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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