Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
