My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
why do cheetos always look like penises
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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