mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
