i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I stole a fireplace last night.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
