SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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