It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize