i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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