Welp...herpes.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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