I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
