If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
