he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
