I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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