Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
