got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
