the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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