listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Im part way to drunk.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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