When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
you had me at cake vodka
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
