I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
