wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
