I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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