Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Less talking, more tequila
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
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