Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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