there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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