tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
