She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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