i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
