booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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