I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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