Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
