Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
