For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
