You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
