I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
