I cut my penus on the lid.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
