Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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