Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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