Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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