Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
