Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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