Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
