life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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