that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
