when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
