I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
