If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
