I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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