I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
