We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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