I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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