I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
