I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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