imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
