My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize