just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
