jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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