hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
