Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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